The Art of Ignoring Condescending ‘Help’

Thanks, But No Thanks: The Art of Ignoring Condescending ‘Help’ as a Small Business

Starting a small business is exciting, nerve-wracking, and often filled with unsolicited advice from strangers who think they know better. If you've ever launched a venture, chances are you’ve run into the "expert" who swoops in uninvited with their magic formula for success, often wrapped in a thinly veiled insult. It’s almost a rite of passage for small businesses.

Let me share a story. When we launched our website for the Rockland County community, it was a proud moment. But not long after, we encountered some so-called “business consultants” whose “help” felt more like a test of patience.

First, there was a woman who tried to belittle us, calling our site “just like every other website.” (we don’t know what the expectations was?) Harsh, but okay. We responded politely - no snark, no arguing - and what did she do? She pivoted, suddenly proclaiming she ran a marketing company and could “help us” if we wanted.

Wait, what? First, you tear us down, and then you want us to hire you? Bold strategy, lady.

Then there was the guy who slid into our messages to declare, “Your logo is wrong. You should choose this color instead.” Just like that. No introduction - just the assumption that his opinion was a universal truth.

Do you see what’s happening here? It’s not just advice; it’s a pattern. It’s people assuming they have the right to tell you how to run your business in the most condescending way possible. And let’s be honest: when we didn’t even ask for their input, it crosses from “helpful” into downright irritating.

The marketing “guru” who calls your logo “wrong” and recommends their preferred color scheme. Or the consultant who passive-aggressively belittles your hard work while sliding in their pitch for services. It’s like walking into someone’s house, criticizing their decor, and then offering to redecorate. Oh sorry, for a fee!

When “Help” Is Really Condescension in Disguise

There’s a fine line between constructive feedback and outright condescension. Here’s how to spot the difference:

1. Tone Matters: Genuine advice comes with a tone of respect and helpfulness. Condescension sounds like, “This is bad. You’re lucky I’m here to fix it.”

2. Unsolicited Opinions: Did you ask for their input? No? Then it’s safe to assume it’s more about them showing off than helping you.

3. Hidden Agendas: If their "feedback" ends with, “I can help you for a small fee,” it’s not about helping; it’s about hustling you.

Small Businesses, It’s Okay to Push Back

As small business owners, we’re used to wearing many hats: marketer, accountant, customer service rep, janitor. We’re also incredibly resilient, capable of learning and adapting as we grow. So, when someone tries to undermine your hard work, remember: you’ve earned your place.

• Embrace Criticism, Not Condescension: Constructive feedback can help you grow. Condescension, on the other hand, is more about someone else’s ego than your success.

  
  

• Learn to Filter: Some advice is gold. Some is garbage. Be discerning and trust yourself to know the difference.

  
  

• Respond with Grace: Politeness disarms even the most irritating critics. A simple, “Thanks for your feedback, we’ll consider it,” is often enough to end the conversation without stooping to their level.

  
  

• Stand Your Ground: You know your business better than anyone else. Trust your instincts and vision.

A Message to the “Experts” Out There

To those who offer advice to small businesses, here’s a little advice for you:

• Don’t Insult Before Offering Help: Tearing someone down doesn’t make you look smart or capable. It makes you look rude.

  
  

• Respect Boundaries: If no one asked for your opinion, consider whether it’s really needed or if it’s just an attempt to push your services.

  
  

• Be Genuinely Helpful: If you truly want to help, do so without expecting something in return. Your actions will speak louder than your pitch.

By the way, I don’t have anything against real, kind, and polite consultants, the ones who actually want to help. Sonny, who is a business consultant himself, is a great example of someone who knows how to provide support without tearing others down. Professionals like him show that uplifting others is the smarter, kinder path.

Closing Words of Confidence

Running a small business is hard enough without dealing with unsolicited advice wrapped in snark. To every small business owner out there: Keep going. Ignore the noise. Surround yourself with people who genuinely want to see you succeed. And the next time someone says, “Your logo is wrong,” smile and say, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

Let’s make the world a little brighter! One resilient small business at a time.

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