Video Games

Why I (Still) Can’t Play Video Games: Endless Button Mashing

There I am, controller in hand, ready to conquer virtual worlds, save kingdoms, or even just make it through a level without embarrassing myself. But the truth is, despite my successes in other areas, console gaming remains my one true nemesis. Give me a complex spreadsheet, a new language to learn, or a jigsaw puzzle with 1000 pieces – no problem. Hand me a PlayStation or Xbox controller, though, and I become a helpless, fumbling mess. Why? I honestly think video gaming must be a talent… and one I somehow missed out on.

Are You With Me Here?

Let me ask you, have you ever picked up a controller, faced that first screen, and just blanked? There’s something about those blinking prompts and combos that can throw me into a spiral of “which button does what?” chaos. And don’t even get me started on the thumbstick versus D-pad dilemma. Left thumbstick or right? Click to jump or mash for a super move? Half the time, I’m just pressing everything and hoping my character doesn’t fall off a cliff!

Do you know what I mean? Or am I truly alone here?

The Button Mashing Mishap

I remember once being invited to a game night, where my friends had clearly practiced for hours on end with "Street Fighter." Now, to them, I probably looked calm and collected as I picked up the controller, ready to show off my "skills." But inside, I was panicking. Who thought all these buttons were a good idea, anyway?! - Actually, it worked in the arcades I went to when I was a kid. -  And why do my friends seem to have them memorized like some kind of secret Morse code?

The match started, and immediately, my character began spinning in circles. My friends were doing these incredible combos and unleashing special moves, while I was just… spinning. And pressing every button. "Just press X!" they shouted. Well, spoiler alert: I pressed X, and nothing happened except my character fell over. It was completely a “spin-and-hope-for-the-best” moment.

Aiming is Overrated, Right?

Shooting games are even worse for me. Have you ever tried aiming on a console? It feels like I need a geometry degree just to get the crosshairs on target. The other day, I was playing a game where all I had to do was shoot some (admittedly enormous) target. Easy enough, right? Ten minutes in, and I’d managed to shoot everything but the target. Everything.

At some point, my friend actually took the controller away from me and hit the target with one shot. "You just have to line it up," they said, as if I hadn’t been trying to do exactly that for ages. I think, aiming make me feel like I need new glasses!

But Why Are We Going So Fast?

Let’s not forget racing games. The second I step on the virtual gas, my car flies off the track like it’s magnetically attracted to every wall, barrier, and other racer. Meanwhile, everyone else speeds gracefully around each curve like they’ve been doing it since they could walk.

Once, I even won… but only because I was so far behind that the game thought I was on the final lap while everyone else had already finished! Have you ever found yourself winning because of a glitch? Or do you somehow manage to hit the finish line without a dented bumper?

So… Is Gaming Just Not for Me?

I’ve tried everything, from watching tutorials to having friends guide me through step-by-step. I even practiced for hours, hoping that this time, something would just click. Spoiler: it never did. And I can’t shake the feeling that maybe some people have an inborn gaming gene, and some (cough, me) just missed the boat.

But here’s the real question: Am I really the only one out there with a controller handicap? Can you relate, or am I a lone button-masher in a world of precise, joystick-aiming experts?

By the way, If you’re planning a party or event, did you know there are amazing stores in Rockland County that rent out classic arcade games? And if you’re looking to upgrade your gaming gear, the video game shops around here are full of treasures waiting to be discovered. Who knows, maybe I’ll visit one and find a beginner-friendly game to finally win at! Hey game stores, give me a shout!

If you’re out there, my fellow video-game-challenged friends, I’d love to hear from you. Any success stories? Or are you, too, still trying to figure out which button means “jump”?

You're the best for reading this far! 🌟

Follow us for more fun, add your business to our awesome lineup, give this article some stars if it brightened your day, and share your thoughts in the comments.

Let’s keep the good vibes rolling!